I'm honored and happy to welcome guest blogger and Kula member whom I had the privilege of meeting in person on our first Find What Feels Good retreat in June. Here she shares words about her experience and the journey. I am grateful for her contribution. Enjoy! -Adriene
Peeling the Onion: My Journey With YWA
By Woodsy Woods
Three years ago I was 37 and, despite everything falling into place on paper, my life was miserable. My husband and I were living in a city that, no matter what we tried, did not feel like home. My dream of being a successful editor/publisher was coming true at a time when the industry that was in major flux. But the truth behind the curtains was this “success” was creating a tidal wave of problems I felt unable to solve. My health had never been so poor; skinny with thinning hair, stress was written all over my body. I did not recognize the agonized face I saw in the mirror each morning and I had no clue what to do to change my situation. In short, I felt trapped, frozen in the moment.
My entire life I’ve viewed myself as a risk-taker, brave of heart and determined. A mentor once told me over dinner as I described my woes: “Ain’t no hill for a climber.” She meant it as a compliment, and somewhere deep down I felt she was right. But for the first time I could not access that part of my spirit. Or so I thought.
Out of the blue, my husband earned a promotion at work that would enable us to live anywhere we wanted. When we met as young adults, we were living in the Appalachian Mountains of western North Carolina. He was a student and professional whitewater kayaker, I was a raft guide. Our lifestyle was hardscrabble by modern standards, but we were living the dream of so many like us: plenty of time for sport and adventure, not much care for material things, water and sun and wildlife filling our days and nights. We desperately wanted to return to this happier time. Without too much discussion we agreed to take a leap and go home again.
We traded my publishing company in for a small farm in Asheville, NC. I would run the farm while he kept his corporate job working from a home office we created in a spare bedroom. I laugh to think of it now, but I thought for sure once our boxes were unpacked life would fall right into place again. I knew from past experience a life of agriculture would be tough, but there were so many other things that went wrong we hadn’t planned on. My family thought we’d lost our minds and offered no support. Unexpected repairs to the small house on the farm were needed as soon as the dotted line was signed. Despite returning home to build our dream, I felt more lost than ever. The first two years I made my world as tiny as I possibly could. I turned off my computer and my cell phone. I shrunk my circle of relationships to a very small, quiet few. Our motto became: Do no harm and get our sea legs.
The spring of 2016, things began to lift. I felt lighter, and yet more full. I put on weight and my hair started growing back. My body felt strong, my heart felt ready to blossom again. When a friend suggested I try yoga on a YouTube channel, I listened. My first session of Yoga with Adriene was humbling. Strong as I felt, the movements forced me to recognize that years of stress had left a mark. Tight shoulders and creaky hips, uneven breathing, oh lordy I was so awkward. But something else happened during that session. I finished feeling BETTER. Really, really better. Not just in my body, but in my mind, in my heart. I decided to try the 30-day Yoga Camp and a revolution within was born.
My last week of Yoga Camp in March of this year that same friend texted to say YWA was having a retreat in Nicaragua in June and would I be interested in going? June was a terrible time for me; the farm would be in full swing. The same self doubts of my recent past crept up in my head. Did I deserve such a treat? Could I handle an adventure? Was it completely selfish and irresponsible? The difference this time was I knew this was the voice of my thinking mind and not my inner spirit. This was the voice of fear and uncertainty. In that moment of recognition, I knew what I had to do: I said yes.
Woodsy Playa Maderas, First trip to the beach, meeting the ocean, photo credit Lindsey Alexander
Our first yoga session in Nicaragua, I felt the truth wash over me: I was exactly where I needed to be. All those tough days of labor on the farm allowed the heat of yoga in the jungle to feel completely natural. My body shouted with joy from inside as my biggest sources of pain and tightness let go, unfolding in ways they hadn’t since childhood. The ocean met me with every breath. Every wave that crashed into the shore below was a beautiful message just for me. We would breathe together. “I go, now you go. I go, now you go,” it called to me with each inhale and exhale. Within minutes I was connected to, a part of the amazing jungle around me.
Journal, My journal entry after our guided meditation, taking a solo walk down to Playa Maderas
From this place of connection something else magical happened. The hard shell I built up around me, the one I thought I needed to get through several bumpy years, started peeling away as I related to the other travelers on my trip. We told our stories, shared cold beers and candid tales of the day’s awkward body functions as we acclimated to our surroundings. I couldn’t stop laughing. I couldn’t stop crying (but happy tears, not sad ones). I couldn’t stop letting go of all those things that did not serve me. I felt amazing. I felt like myself again.
New Friends, Bonding in the back of the truck on the way to San Juan with new friends
When I returned home from Nicaragua, during our first moment of quiet together, I looked at my husband and said, “I’m different. Can you feel it?” He shook his head yes and we cried tears of joy together. We were those young adults in love again, full of spark and bravery. The gratitude I feel for the YWA retreat still powerfully reverberates through my heart as I type. I know I will carry that place, those people, that awakening in my heart throughout all the rest of my days. Namaste, indeed.
Woodsy and Bill, Celebrating my return home with my husband by taking a hike up to a favorite mountaintop in NC
Reading this is hard and at the same time openminded. After small surgery that had kept me out from our beloved yoga FWFG and YWA (about two weeks now) I found myself in a lot of pain again, due to the postures I took after the the surgery. So (thankfully) that revealed an old double disc injuriy diagnosis (slipped disc) in my columna... As sad as I found this, at the same time, it meand I have to slow down, take care of myself and start my journey to recover. I cannot do yoga right now, which is very hard, but I can (and have to) walk, meditate and look for the way back to my center: calm the waters and the anxiety that the diagnose gave because I'm in good hands, I'm so thankful I have a safety net to be very good taken care of... And with that acknowledge several more ones are arising... The fact that I'm not alone, that my friends and family loves me and care for me, that I can pause on my job for a while without great worries, that I will be fine if I take good care... A lot to be grateful, mindful and present. So I'm also "Peeling the onion" and founding new layers... A lot of self-reflection to do, a lot to take in... And out... Love the phrases "We think we know ourselves so well" and "We serve our pain instead of our infinite, perfect selves"... They really made a click on me. Thanks a lot for open yourself to others, I'll send you all my love. Thank you Adriane... Have you realized how much impact do you have in our lives? Wow!
Woodsy, thank you for sharing your story with us! I recognized a lot in there - peeling the onion is a great way to describe it. Lots of love to you on your continued path! And Adriene, thank you for introducing us to Woodsy!
Oh my gosh... I can so totally relate to your journey. Unfortunately just the part up to the YWA retreat. Being in Germany and in my high season professionally, I had no chance to join you in Nicaragua. But I feel myself being in a turtle shell right now, hiding from my own feelings. And reading your beautiful words felt like a discovery to me. A discovery of my very own self, trying to be heard all the years, but being pushed in a corner, so that my body, my soul, my thinking got very unflexible and strong. YWA helped me a lot since finding it in 2014, but I always feel like it is not enough... So happy for you that you found back to your happy path. Blessings to you, my dear! And: Namasté!
While reading this I couldn't keep back the tears for I know this story way to well. I started ywa because I wanted me time that could serve me and turn my life around. I am so happy I started with Adrienne. I am 137 days in everyday prat ice of yoga. I do not know how it works but it can really transform a human. There's so many layers I had to peel and ever time I did I felt released. My soul has never felt so free...Thank you, Dova Viera
This made me cry...I guess we all have that thing inside us...that unsure thing. That "is it too late for me to start over" thing. I'm 55, the clock is ticking, but maybe it doesn't matter at all. Maybe the best I can will be good enough. I love you Woodsy, I love you Adrien. Thanks for making my life a better place by giving me hope and inspiration.
<3!
Woodsy, your story resonates and inspires, thank you for that.
Woodsy, what a wonderful story. It teaches all a lesson. Thank you Adriene for this opportunity and for all your yoga videos.
Namaste
Woodsy this is excellent and inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing.
Woodsy, this is so beautiful! I'm so thrilled for you and your new found love of life and spirit! I'm been following Adrienne for almost a year and because of her practice (my practice) I also busted through a few broken ideals and am now taking teacher training so I can help others find this path too. Isn't yoga grand? With that said, I live in Asheville!! I would love to meet you, talk about your experience and just shoot the shit. I hope that's not awkward, ha! Here is my fb account and if you feel inspired, please drop me a message 🙂 Namaste https://www.facebook.com/akleid
This was beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
Thanks to everyone who took time to read and to comment. Sending you all love and best wishes as you continue on your journeys. Keep breathing and feeling that happy flow. And if you ever have a chance to dive into a YWA retreat, DO IT! ❤️
What a beautiful and powerful story! I hope you can nourish that spark of your "old" self, that was ignited during the Yoga retreat! I send some strenght and lots of love to you :-)Thank you so much for sharing those words.
I needed this today... thank you Woodsy & Adriene. I cannot wait for the next retreat. I'm there.
Thank you for your refreshing honesty! I too am feeling trapped in a life I do not like- a job that exhausts me and stifles my creativity. I hope one day to take a leap like you! And PLEASE somebody tell me how and where to find out about the next FWG retreat because I am SO THERE.
Thank you, Woodsy, for sharing this beautiful story. And reading through the comments I feel the love and support of many people. Supporting you, me - all of us. Beautiful Beautiful!! THANK YOU!!
I so relate to what you said about being in a city that doesn't feel like home and having family that doesn't seem to support or understand you. I feel that I'm on a journey that is so lonely at times, and I have built a shell around me to protect my true self from the people who don't understand. It's so hard to take the leap of faith to do what's best for your soul, and I have said 'no' out of fear so many times. I hope that I get an opportunity like you did, Woodsy, and this time, I want to say 'yes!'
Woodsy, thank you for sharing your story. I have been suffering with chronic costochondritis and upper (and lower) back pain for about 4 years due to the way in which I responded to a family trauma - I shut down, shut everyone out, and lost sight of my center. I have come a long way on the road to mental recovery but my body is still in terrible pain. Yoga has been put in front of me a million times and each time I've dabbled in but not embraced it because of my own fears of letting go. Your story has inspired me to take the plunge. THANK YOU. I greatly appreciate your naming that it took time, too. I am awfully impatient and want things to get better immediately so it it good to be reminded that patience is key to perseverance. Namaste.
This is so touching. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly. I'm in tears of so many mixed emotions!
Sometimes during practice I feel this chix is crazy(I am on 15th day from the 30 days of yoga with the half moon pose) but I started to like it by now,even downward facing dog and I have to say it feels easier to get into the flow and make it through the sessions without stop.
Adrien,you are amazing...crazy but amazing and thank you for making me laugh!:-)
Dear Woodsy, I read your post and I'm deeply touched by your story. I think you've shared your story for us readers of this blog in such beautiful way that I felt like you are telling me directly (haha!).
I am new in learning yoga, been in love with YWA videos, currently in my 10th day of 30-Days of Yoga Challenge, feeling somehow connected with other Yogis through YWA.
I hope you continue on being brave and have a wonderful life 😀